Compulsively reviewing and analyzing past interactions with other men or women to see if they have acted like a gay or straight person.Observing themselves for evidence of “looking,” talking, walking, dressing, or gesturing like someone who is either gay or straight.(This may also include visiting prostitutes in more extreme cases). Masturbating or having sex repeatedly just for the purpose of checking their own reaction to it.Imagining themselves in sexual situations and then observing their own reaction to them.Looking at attractive men or women, or pictures of them, or reading sexually oriented literature or pornography (hetero- or homosexual), to see if they are sexually exciting.When I first see people for this problem, they are typically engaged in any number of compulsive activities which may occupy many hours of each day. This has never proven to be so.ĭoubting something so basic about yourself can obviously be quite a torturous business.
The older psychoanalytic therapies often make people with this problem feel much worse by saying that the thoughts represent true inner desires. I suppose this remains a question for research to answer.
I have sometimes wondered if those who experience the most distress from such thoughts as these do so because they were raised with more strongly homophobic or anti-gay attitudes to begin with, or if it is simply because one’s sexuality can be such a basic doubt. People don’t generally obsess about things they find positive or pleasurable. Let’s face it, gay people have always been an oppressed minority within our culture, and to suddenly think of being in this position, and to be stigmatized in this way, can be frightening. Patients will sometimes relate their belief that “I could deal with whatever my sexuality turns out to be, but my mind just won’t let me settle on anything.” Some people’s doubts are further complicated by having such experiences as hearing other people talking or looking in their direction and thinking that these people must be analyzing their behavior or appearance and talking about them – discussing how they must be gay (or straight).įor those with thoughts of being homosexual, part of the distress must surely be social in origin. A variation on doubt about sexual identity would be where the obsessive thought has fastened onto the idea that the person simply will never be able to figure out what their sexual orientation actually is. Going a step beyond this, some sufferers have obsessions that tell them that they may have acted, or will act, on their thoughts. If on the other hand they happen to be homosexual they may obsess about the possibility that they might really be straight. If the sufferer is heterosexual, then the thought may be that they are homosexual. The most obvious form is where a sufferer experiences the thought that they might be of a different sexual orientation than they formerly believed. Interestingly Swedo, et al., 1989, found that approximately 4% of children with OCD experience obsessions concerned with forbidden aggressive or perverse sexual thoughts.Īlthough doubts about one’s own sexual identity might seem pretty straightforward as a symptom, there are actually a number of variations. I have observed this symptom in young children, adolescents, and adults as well.
In order to have doubts about one’s sexual identity, a sufferer need not ever have had a homo- or heterosexual experience, or any type of sexual experience at all. A 1998 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that among a group of 171 college students, 84% reported the occurrence of sexual intrusive thoughts (Byers, et al. It can cause you to doubt even the most basic things about yourself – even your sexual orientation. OCD, as we know, is largely about experiencing severe and unrelenting doubt. This article was initially published in the Winter 2007 edition of the OCD Newsletter. How Do I Know I’m Not Really Gay/Straight?